Don’t Say to Your Child: “Okay?”

I definitely agree with this parenting tip. Some people might consider this minor or pedantic or silly to bother thinking about, but I think subtle differences in the words you use–even just the tone–have a tangibly different effect. You have to be self-aware and monitor what you say and do continually to find these things.

So a while back I stopped tacking on the “okay” at the end. It’s hard to get others to stop though, because it’s a nicety we use with each other. It feels more polite. It feels like we’re being friendlier. But it’s just for equals, not for your own children.

Instead, I started saying “It’s time,” which came from some other basic parenting advice: A consistent pattern or schedule keeps the child grounded. They know what to expect. The resulting benefit for me is that you get less debate or defiance.

“What do we do after playing outside?”

“Wash hands…”

“Right…”

It doesn’t stop Nathaniel from saying “I don’t want to!” But it keeps it down. And he often does whatever the task is by himself anyway. Hey, sometimes he says–”Daddy, we forgot to …” (buckle me into my carseat–oops)…

Parenting Tip: Don’t Say to Your Child: “Okay?”

Just listen to yourself. “Mary Jane, please sit here so mommy can put your shoes on you. Okay?” Now what did you just do in your polite way of role-modeling? You just gave your 2-year-old of the option of NOT SITTING THERE SO YOU CAN PUT HER SHOES ON HER!!! You asked her IF IT WAS OKAY!! …

• Dr. Suzann O’Koon’s Blog » Parenting Tips Series: Don’t Say to Your Child: “Okay?”